If I Fall
by acciosilverdoe
Summary: Complete. What happens when something tears the perfect couple apart forever? Addison/Mark friendship, Addison/Pete, slight Addison/Derek. Set in New York and then L.A. Originally a one-shot, but I kept writing.
1. If I Fall

A/N: Okay so I got this mad idea the other day for a story & I know I'm in the middle of three others but I HAD to write it. It's only a one-shot (yes I did manage to keep it as a one-shot & not take it further YAY). Also halfway through writing it I thought of making it a song-fic so I did. Might as well put two things I've wanted to do for ages in one story!! So here it is, a one-shot song-fic! The song is If I Fall by Amber Pacific. SRSLY download it it's a great song!! It's sort of Addek but not all happy sadly, Maddison friendship. And it's set in New York. And I suppose I should have a warning for character death-sorry! 

Disclaimer: All I own is Susan (see the very end of the fic). I don't own Grey's Anatomy, Buena Vista, Touchstone, Amber Pacific or anything related to them. 

Also, sorry about the story being uploaded, like, three times before now. It kept uploading with little boxes everywhere, don't ask why! But it's okay now (I hope) 

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_This is for the ones who believe their lives won't change_

They weren't the perfect couple. They argued about stupid things & ignored each other for days because neither liked admitting they were wrong. But still everyone was jealous of them, of how crazy they were about each other. After all, they were Addison & Derek. 

Their marriage was strong, they balanced work & their home life well & never neglected a birthday or holiday. They had friends both inside & outside of the hospital, all of which they saw regularly. They took time off to spend together & took vacations at least twice a year. They were happy, & nothing was going to come between them. 

_Hoping that someday things will mend & be the same_

They had been happily married for 10 years, but even the happiest of couples reach a bad patch at some point. Theirs came when Derek didn't leave the hospital for days at a time. At first it didn't seem unusual, it wasn't too often & he said he'd had surgeries. But soon it got more regular, he'd be at work for three days straight without sleeping so when he did finally come home all he'd want to do was sleep. 

_And this is for the ones who have lost it all and all that's left to gain_

Addison didn't have the courage to talk to him about it, so she turned to their best friend Mark for comfort. He tried to persuade her to talk to Derek but she knew he'd deny anything strange was going on. So instead she kept quiet & let Derek work for as long as he wanted. They saw their friends less, forgot holidays & birthdays & never left the city. Addison felt abandoned, as if nobody cared about her or how she felt. And Derek didn't see her often enough to see how she was slowly breaking down. 

_Is a simple reminder that the things that were blind to slip away.._

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA 

It was a cool Monday morning, nothing out of the ordinary. Addison woke up alone as usual. It had become such a habit that she never even checked to see if Derek was next to her any more. She wasn't supposed to be in work that day, not that she had anywhere else she could go. When she & Derek had stopped meeting their out-of-work friends, they had moved on. The only person left now was Mark. 

After getting dressed into a pair of old jeans & a simple white shirt, Addison settled in front of the TV. She sighed as she flicked on to a show she used to watch in the mornings with Derek. She jumped as a knock came at the door. She stood up, switched off the TV & walked to the door. She saw the outline of a man standing outside & pushed the hope that it could be Derek to the back of her mind almost before it entered. 

_How can I say.._ _Say I'll be okay.._

Opening the door she was greeted with a coffee & bagel held out by Mark. He smiled sympathetically at her messy hair & old clothes. 

_And if I fall through these days that go by without cause _

"Morning Addie!" he chimed, pushing the breakfast forwards for her to take. 

Addison smiled, "thanks, Mark," & took the coffee. 

"And the bagel," Mark said encouragingly. 

"Fine," she gave in & took it. "Come in," she opened the door inviting him in. 

"I was going to anyway," he shrugged & walked past her, kissing her temple gently as he passed. "Guessing Derek's still at work?" 

"Obviously," she sighed, closing the door & following him into the kitchen. He took a seat at the table, sipping his coffee while she set her breakfast down. 

_Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own_

"You need to eat, Ads," Mark said. 

Addison nodded unconvinced. "Yeah, I suppose," she sighed again & sat down on the chair beside him & grabbed the bagel. She stared at it for a moment before Mark took it, opened the packet & returned it back to her hands. 

"You should really open it before you try to eat it. The plastic's not very nice," Mark smiled. 

She laughed, "surprising." She said & took a bite even though she wanted nothing less than to eat. "Why is he doing this to me? What did I do?" 

_And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on_   
"You didn't do a thing. It's not just you he's pushing away, I haven't spoken to him properly in weeks. It's like something in him just snapped," Mark put his coffee down & reached over & squeezed her hand. "You need to tell him how you feel, he'll listen to you. I've tried to tell him how you're feeling but he won't accept it." 

Addison shook her head. "I can't tell him. He'll say I'm overreacting. And I don't think I really want to know the reason he's acting this way." 

Mark took a deep breath, he had to do something to find out what was making one of his best friends so upset & the other so distant. 

_Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to hold on_

"Call him," he said finally. 

"What?" 

"Call him. Now. Tell him it's important & he needed to come home. Then tell him how you feel," Mark watched her face drop. 

"Mark, I cant, I-" she began. 

"You can, Addie, you have to," he encouraged, standing up & getting the phone. He passed it to her & she took it cautiously, shaking her head. 

Before she knew what she was doing, she keyed Derek's cell number into the phone & put it to her ear, watching Mark as he looked on hopefully. 

_Now that the lines been broken_

The dull ringing started & Addison's breath quickened. She still didn't know what she was doing. 

_I'm too afraid to just took back_

"Hello?" the voice on the other end startled her & she looked to Mark for help. He nodded encouraging her to speak to her husband. 

"Derek, it's me," she said finally. 

She heard Derek sigh. "What's wrong, Addison?" he asked, & she was sure his voice was flatter now that when he didn't know who was calling. 

"Could you come home please, I-" she hesitated. "I need to talk to you." 

"Did something happen?" he said, still not sounding as though he cared one bit. 

"I just need you, Derek," she replied, as tear slowly sliding down her cheek. 

_The pages have left an empty space_

"Fine, I'm coming," he gave in, but she knew by the tone of his voice he didn't want to. 

"Thank you," she whispered. 

Derek didn't reply & just hung up. She sat for a moment before taking the phone from her ear & laying it down on the table. Instinctively, Mark moved around next to her, wrapping his arms around her. 

_You were all I had_

Mark nodded. "Everything's going to be fine, I promise you," he soothed. 

They sat waiting for Derek, Mark holding Addison protectively, for about 15 minutes. When they finally heard a key in the door they moved apart & Mark moved away leaning against the wall. Addison watched the doorway for Derek & when he came into view she stood up. Part of her wanted to go over & hug him but he looked angry & she didn't know how he'd react. 

_Why does it have to be this way_

"What do you want Addison? Why did you call me home?" he asked impatiently. 

"Derek I haven't seen you in so long," she said calmly. "I miss you & we need to talk." 

He watched her closely as she nervously chewed her lip. "Why's he here?" he asked, pointing to Mark. 

"He was being a friend to me," Addison replied sadly. "If you'd been around more you'd have noticed he's the only friend we have left." 

"Is that some kind of dig at me?" Derek asked, turning back to her. 

"What? Derek you don't get it, do you? You're the one who hasn't been around. You're the one who caused all out friends to give up asking when we're both free to go out. You're the one who forgot both mine & Mark's last birthdays 'cause you were working. You're the one who neglected to notice how lonely I've been lately because I never see you," Addison was beginning to get upset again but she refused to break down in front of him. 

_These things they'll never change_

"Oh get a grip Addison. You know it's been busy at work," Derek said, raising his voice slightly. 

"Too busy to even call every once in a while? Too busy to come home a couple of days a week?" Addison bit her lip in an attempt to stop the tears falling. 

"You're overreacting!" Derek said, his voice louder now & Mark stood up straighter. 

"Don't shout at her," Mark warned. 

"Shut up Mark," Derek snapped. 

"What the hell did I do?" Mark stepped forwards so he could see Derek properly. 

"This is between Addison & myself, could you please just leave it?" 

"No. Not when I know what you've put her through the last few months," Mark said defensively. 

"So are you taking my place now? Playing husband to my wife?" 

"Well if you're not there to do it," Mark shot back, moving sideways to put his arm around Addison. 

Derek glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?" he snarled. 

"You can't see how you're acting, can you? You can't see how much you're hurting you're wife," Mark said calmly, refusing to let Derek get away lightly. 

"I'm not hurting her," Derek yelled suddenly, shocking both Mark & Addison. "Addison, tell him, you're fine. We are fine." 

She hesitated before shaking her head cautiously. "No, Derek, I'm not fine, we're not-" 

"Shut up! Just stop saying that. You're fine. We're fine. Just get over it, Addison, making everything seem like my fault," he shouted at her. 

Addison stared at him in disbelief. What had turned him suddenly from the calm man she had fallen in love with to this? She shut her eyes tightly as tears began to trickle out of her eyes. Mark stood by her side defensively & pulled her in closer as he felt her body shudder as her sobs came out heavily. 

_Still I'm left with knowing, content & happy, this is all I need.._

"Derek I think you need to leave now," Mark said without making eye contact with him. 

"You may think just because you're playing me in this house right now that you have the right to tell me what to do, but you're wrong," Derek hissed. "This is my house, you don't get to tell me to leave." 

"Derek just listen to him," Addison said, wiping her face to get rid of some of the tears. 

Derek shook his head, "fine," he grunted & walked back out of the kitchen & out of the house, slamming the door shut behind him. 

_And if I fall through these days that go by without cause_

Mark & Addison stood in silence watching where Derek had just walked. Mark's arm stayed around her to support her. She turned carefully to face him but he still didn't move his arm. 

"Mark, I'm sorry," she whispered. 

"Why are you sorry?" 

"For making Derek hate you," she looked at the floor refusing to make eye contact with him. 

_Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own_

"Hey," Mark moved her chin up with his finger & made her look at him. "Derek may hate me, but as long as I have you it's okay. You didn't cause any of this & don't even think I blame you because I don't." 

Addison attempted a smile. "I just hope her gets back to how he used to be." 

"Me too," Mark said & leaned forward kissing her forehead lightly. 

_And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on_

"Would you stay with me for a bit?" Addison asked hopefully, not wanting to be alone. 

"Of course I will." 

"Thank you." 

Addison stepped away & made her way to the couch. She sat down, leaning backwards & taking a deep breath. Mark stood in the doorway watching her, thinking of how lost she looked. He hated seeing her like this & knowing he couldn't help her any more than he'd already tried to. He could try & speak to Derek but the chances of him getting anywhere were slim. He could be there for Addison, be her shoulder to cry or & her support when she needed it, but he couldn't help but think he should try to do more. All he knew was she was slowly losing hope, & truthfully so was he. 

_Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to go on_

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA 

Derek never drove fast, it was a rule he'd set for himself the moment he started learning to drive. When he was young he was teased for it, for not living life more dangerously, but when all his 'friends' were charged for speeding he was the one teasing. He didn't do it to be a 'good boy', he just did it to be safe. 

But now was different. His rules flew out the window as he sped towards, well, anywhere. Truth was he didn't know where he was going, just somewhere away from the life he'd messed up. It hurt him to see how much he'd hurt Addison & how he was slowly losing everyone around him. 

Winding down the window, Derek breathed in the air which blew his hair in all directions. He finally saw what the attraction of speed was & he pushed the car forwards just a little bit faster. He felt free, like he could do anything & go anywhere. He felt finally in control of his life & nothing was going to stop him now. 

As he turned the corner he saw a large bus moving slowly ahead of him. Sighing, he pulled around it, not wanting to lose his speed. 

And then it happened.. 

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA 

_And if I fall through these days that go by without cause_

Mark sat next to Addison in silence watching her. Neither could think of anything to say, so they just sat. 

Finally, Addison turned to him. "Do you want anything? A drink, some food?" 

Mark looked at her & nodded, following her into the kitchen. This was what she did when she was sad, ignored the pain. The best thing for him to do was let her deal with it her own way. 

"You're gonna be fine, Addie," he said. 

"What do you mean?" 

"With Derek, you're gonna make it through, you two are strong," he explained. 

"Yeah, I hope so." 

_Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own_

Mark was about to reply when the phone rang. She moved over to answer it. 

"Hello?" she waited. "Oh, hey Susan, you okay?" she waited again. Susan was a friend of her's, Mark's & Derek's from the hospital. 

"Addison, there's been a car crash," Susan told her, avoiding the direct point. 

"Okay, well do you need my help? Or Mark's, he's here too. Derek's not though, I'm afraid, if you need him," Addison said. 

"I know he's not there," Susan replied. 

"Oh, is he there? If he is could you tell him to come home please?" Addison sighed. 

"Addison, listen.." Susan drifted off. 

"What is it?" Addison asked. 

_And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on_

Mark watched as Addison's face turned to shock & sadness & the phone fell to the floor. 

"What's wrong, Addie?" he asked, concerned. 

She looked at him, her eyes glistening with tears which were beginning to fall freely down her face. "It's Derek. He's," she swallowed hard. "He's dead." 

_Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to go on_

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A/N: Ahh I killed Derek!!! What was I thinking?? Please review I'd love to know what you thought of it!! And please read my other stories! THANK YOU!! 

Beth x 


	2. Maybe Tomorrow

**A/N: Hey guys, so I know I said this was going to be a one-shot & I was so proud of myself for writing it as nothing more, but guess how long that lasted? 3 days! A grand total of 3 days!! Oh yeah :) I rock! LOL but I don't mind, writing this bit was really fun & took my about an hour & a half, yay quick! Should have been studying at the time & have probably now failed my French exam but oh well, who needs French really? **

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews SRSLY you guys rule. Okay I didn't get tonnes but what I did get was awesome! And seeing as I got encouraged to carry on I though I would. Hope it lives up to what you expected. There's a few flashbacks in this one of the early Addek relationship, it's cute LOL. I decided against doing this as a song fic for the whole story, just took too long to decide on songs. I have 5 chapters planned (is that too long, cuz I'm definitely doing this one & another, but the last two are just an option really) & they cover Addison moving on from Derek's death. Oh yeah, & I'm still in shock that I killed McDreamy!!**

**Anyway, on with the story, hope you enjoy. **_**(Flashbacks are it italics!)**_

**Disclaimer: see chapter one**

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_The first time Addison met Derek was memorable to say the least.At the time she was a geek who enjoyed nothing more than studying & getting high grades. Derek, however, was more of a rebel. He was at the bottom of most of his classes & didn't see what was wrong with that. He was under pressure from his family to do well & set a good example. On that particular day Addison was late for class & arrived to see Derek sitting alone at the front of school._

_"Late, are we?" he asked grinning._

_She stopped in front of him, staring innocently. "At least I'm going in."_

_"Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine out here," he said with a cocky smile. "You can go though."_

_She didn't budge. "You know, you're not exactly the kind of guy who can afford to skip school. I mean, you're not exactly an A-star student are you?"_

_"And how do you know that?"_

_She smiled, now she could be the cocky one. "Because I have quizzes from the last few months of yours right here," she held up a file which she had in her hand. "And I've been asked to tutor you."_

_He stared at her, the grin wiped away now. "By who?"_

_"Well your parents asked your teachers & they asked me. So either you get off your ass & get to class or I tell the school & your parents you've been skipping school," she smiled._

_Derek shook his head. "Fine. I'd like to see you try & teach me anything," he shrugged & walked away from her into the school._

_She smiled to herself & followed him. Tutoring Derek Shepherd was definitely going to be interesting._

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Addie?" no response. "Addie, you okay?" still nothing. "Addison?" she snapped out of her daze.

"Huh? What?" she shook her head.

Mark smiled sympathetically. "Just checking you were doing okay."

She sighed. "As well I as can be."

Mark nodded. It had only been two weeks since Derek's death & they were still coming to terms with life without him. At first there was just shock on both their parts, but then came the tears. It seemed to Mark that Addison had cried for three days straight, but he realised now that that was about right. The funeral had been the worst part, trying to put on a brave face to see many family members, many of which neither he nor Addison had ever met. After everyone had left he'd held her as she cried for a few hours, & decided then that he couldn't leave her alone. The day after he'd moved some of his stuff into her house & put the rest into storage for when he'd need it. She hadn't asked him to stay but she hadn't fought him on it either. She needed a friend & he needed to know she was okay.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_Addison looked up as she heard a knock at the door. She smiled when she saw Derek._

_"Come in," she invited._

_"Right," he grunted & took a seat opposite her._

_"Okay, where shall we start?"_

_They studied for an hour, Addison using everything she knew to teach him, Derek not paying the slightest bit of attention._

_Finally she got tired of his bored looks. "Derek, are you going to help me out here?"_

_He looked at her. "What do you mean?"_

_"You think I haven't noticed that you've been ignoring me the past hour? The giveaway was me asking 'how your day was' & you answering 'I don't like algebra'," she smiled. "Please try, Derek."_

_He nodded. "You know without the glasses & with a good haircut, you'd be pretty hot. Well, actually the glasses are pretty hot too, if you just move them down like," he leant over & moved her glasses further down her nose. "Looking over them is sexy," he grinned._

_Addison sighed. "Same time, here, tomorrow. And please try."_

_Derek nodded again & moved towards the door, turning back quickly & saying, "think about that makeover," before leaving._

_Addison watched the door shut behind him, chewing her lip thinking about his words. She sighed before pushing her glasses back on normally, she wasn't about to let a guy rule her life._

_The next day wasn't much different. Derek had gotten the idea that if he continued not trying that she'd give up, but Addison never refused a challenge & would fight until she got what she wanted, much to Derek's disappointment. Over the next few weeks Derek began to realise he would have to start trying or else these tutoring periods would become pretty boring, & slowly started taking in what she was teaching._

_"Hey, good job, you got a 91," Addison smiled, handing him a test he'd taken the day before._

_"Great," he smiled. "So, you thought any more about tha makeover?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "Not really." Truth was it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her, & she couldn't get it out of her head._

_"Right, okay, I bought that! How about I ask someone to help you? One of my friends?" Derek suggested, totally serious._

_"Fine, if you insist," she bit her lip unsure._

_"Oh, I do."_

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Waking up in the mornings wasn't hard considering she never really slept. Some nights she just lay there thinking of her time with Derek & how she could have stopped his death. Some nights she cried as she realised he was really gone & never coming back & she'd never wake up from this living nightmare. The few nights she did sleep she was uneasy & usually woke up sweating & scared from another bad dream. These nights she usually found her was to Mark's room if he wasn't already there holding her. It didn't matter what time it was, Mark would always be there for her telling her it would be okay until she settled. Most nights she ended up sleeping in his arms, knowing there she was safe from everything but her terrible thoughts. She didn't know what she'd have done without him.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

She was running. She was running as fast as she could towards the smashed car. A bus stood next to it, the front scratched but the impact had mostly been taken on the car. Addison ran towards the car, knowing if she could just get to it that everything would be okay. Bu there was something stopping her. She always got to the same point & she couldn't get any further to the disaster. There was an invisible barrier standing between her & the car & she couldn't battle through it. She was slowing losing strength to fight, tears were gushing out of her eyes. She was breaking down, & there was no one there to help her.

"Addie, wake up," she head her name being called & her body being shook. "Addie, please?"

Her eyes shot open, her breathing was fast & she was shaking uncontrollably. She looked up & saw Mark standing over her, concerned.

"Mark, I-," she shut her eyes tightly to try & stop the tears stinging. She took a deep breath & looked back up at him. "I couldn't reach it, I couldn't reach him, I just couldn't get there. I couldn't help."

Mark wrapped his arms around her & pulled her up into his arms. "It's okay, it was a dream, but you're awak now & it's okay," he soothed.

Slowly her breathing returned to normal but she didn't attempt to move from his arms. "I couldn't save him," she whispered. "I tried, I really did, but I couldn't reach him."

"Shhh, Addie, it's okay," Mark rubbed her back stopping her from freaking out again. He could feel his t-shirt stuck against him from her tears. "You know, you've soaked my shirt."

Addison pulled away slightly so she could look up at him, her eyes red & swollen. "Shut up," she attempted a smile.

Mark smiled back. "Come on, let's get you some breakfast," he stood up & pulled her after him. She leant against him for support as they walked to the kitchen, & never let go until she was safely sat on a chair. He moved away, keeping an eye on her as he made some coffee. Her fingers tapped the table as she thought about Derek more.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_"Wow, you look great!" Derek grinned at the 'new' Addison.She smiled & walked closer to him. Her red hair was spread down & around her shoulders, loose curls falling delicately around her face. She wore a simple black halter-neck dress with black shoes & some-but-not-too-much make-up._

_She took a deep breath. "You sure?"_

_"Absolutely," Derek nodded._

_Over the few months Addison had been helping Derek, they'd both changed a lot. Addison was more free, she still concentrated on work & achieving good grades but she had fun too. Derek was a better student, his grades had improved & he was no longer the guy who skipped school. As well as that, they'd become good friends, & were close with Derek's oldest friend Mark Sloan too._

_"You ready to go?" Derek asked._

_"Sure," Addison replied, smiling as Derek took her hand & led her to the door._

_"Derek, hi," Mark greeted him. "Hey Addie."_

_"Hi Mark," she smiled._

_"Addie's my date for the night," Derek explained & squeezed her hand gently._

_"Cool," Mark said as he opened the door ready for them to leave._

_Mark led the way down to his car, Derek & Addison behind still hand in hand. He leant in close to her ear & whispered, "Addison, after tonight, feel like being my date more often?"_

_She looked at him, intrigued._

_"Go out with me, Addison," he smiled._

_She bit her lip timidly. "Okay," she smiled genuinely._

_Derek didn't say anything but let out a silent sigh of relief & happiness. He'd wanted to ask her out for so long, finally he'd gotten the courage, & she'd agreed. _

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"So Addie, you feel like going somewhere today?" Mark asked as the sat drinking coffee. The nightmare hadn't been forgotten, but instead mixed in with all the others which had occured the past two weeks.

Addison shrugged. "Sure."

"Cool."

They returned to silence again. Mark watched her stare into space, her eyes swollen from the tears & lack of sleep & her face pale. Her hair hung lifelessly around her face, & her once snug clothes now fell loosely off her body where she'd become thinner from lack of food. She was breaking down right in front of him, all all he was doing was watching.

"Come on," he said finally, standing up.

"Where are we going?"

"Not sure yet, somewhere fun," Mark watched her, willing her to get up.

She shook her head. "I don't want to go anywhere, maybe tomorrow."

Mark sighed, she'd said that for the past week. 'Maybe tomorrow', but then when tomorrow came she'd say it again. He knelt down beside her, reaching up to take her hand in his.

"Addie, look at me," he whispered.

She turned towards him, her eyes drifting from him to the room.

"Addie, I know it's hard," he said gently, "but we have to move on. I'm not saying it's going to be easy to carry on when Derek's not around but I'm here for you, no matter what. We'll take it slowly at first until you find your feet again," he paused to see her reaction.

"I know I need to move on. I just, I can't see how I can live without him. He was in my life for more than 15 years, my husband for 11. I've not been alone for so long, I don't know how to do it," she said, her voice low & crackly.

"You're not alone. I know I'm not your husband, but I'm here," he smiled slightly.

She moved her eyes to look down at him. "Mark, I-" she wiped a tear away from her cheek. "I miss him."

"Oh, Addie," he pulled himself up so he was in line with her & hugged her tightly. "I miss him too."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

_"Addie," Derek whispered into Addison's ear gently as she slept. "Addie wake up."_

_She moved slightly & her eyes flicked open. It took her a moment to register but soon she turned over to face Derek, who had was smiling sweetly._

_"Hey," he said, kissing her cheek gently._

_She pushed herself up so she sat beside him. "Hey honey," she smiled._

_"Three years ago today," he sighed. "That was the day I met you."_

_Addison thought for a moment before laughing. "You were such a rebel."_

_"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" he protested._

_"Yeah when I came along you weren't," she replied._

_"That may be true, but," he paused, stuck for words._

_"I'm always right, Derek," she said, kissing his cheek gently. "It's cute that you tried though."_

_"I am pretty cute," he nodded, laughing at her expression. "What you gotta give me something!?"_

_She nodded. "Suppose I do."_

_He gave her a look but soon forgave her as she pulled him into her, crashing her lips down onto his. He responded immediately, & they kissed heatedly for a few minutes only pausing occasionally to breathe. When she pulled away, he leant backwards & pulled something out of the drawer next to the bed._

_"What's that?" she asked curiously._

_"Addison," he took a deep breath, he still couldn't believe he was going to do this. "The first time I met you I liked you, okay maybe not the first time, maybe I grew to like you a bit more, rather than the whole love-at-first-site thing but still," he paused as he got his breath._

_"Derek, calm," she said, giggling._

_"Yeah, I'm fine. Anyway, what I'm trying to say, is that you make me happier than I ever though I could be. I never thought love this strong was possible until I met you, & I never, ever want to lose that. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, Addison," he smiled at her still confused face. "Will you marry me?"_

_Her lips formed a wide smile as she took his question. She pulled him into her again, kissing him deeper than she ever had before. Pulling away, she smiled & gazed into his eyes. "Yes, Derek, yes I will marry you!"_

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

The rest of the day was spent like the previous few had been, both Mark & Addison wandering around the house, never settling in one place for too long. Mark was beginning to give up trying to persuade Addison to go out, hoping she'd find her feet by herself. Addison was just lost, lost in the past desperately trying to hang on to what memories she had left of Derek & their relationship. She was constantly haunted by bad memories from the last year of their marriage, but with those came good ones of their early relationship & marriage. She knew soon most of the smaller thoughts would be gone, & only the most important would remain, so she tried with all she could to stop them leaving her.

The next day, Addison woke after a reasonably peaceful night. She'd dreamt of Derek, but she knew that wouldn't stop for quite some time, but not in the awful nightmare she'd been forced to deal with before. When she woke up, she thought of how Mark had been there for her, trying to piece the parts of her life back together that she couldn't manage herself. She knew he was only trying to help, but she also knew she'd given him no hope.

After finding the most decent casual clothes she had, which consisted of old ripped jeans & one of Derek's smaller Knicks t-shirts, she found her way to the kitchen where Mark was sitting deep in thought holding a now cold mug of tea. He didn't flinch as she walked in, lost with his thoughts.

"Morning Mark," Addison said with no reply. She moved round to the front of him where he finally snapped back to reality. "Morning Mark," she repeated.

"Hey, Addie, how you doing?" he asked.

"I'm good. So listen, how about we go get a coffee from that little cafe down the street? And then we could drop by the hospital to see how it's doing without us?" she proposed.

"Umm, sure. When did you decide all this?" Mark asked, slightly shocked.

"This morning, just thought it would be nice," she shrugged it off as if it were no big deal.

"Oh, okay," he said. "Just let me get a jacket," he stood up & walked back to him room.

She sighed & grabbed the keys from the side, then made her way to the door so she was ready to leave once he joined her again. She smiled when she saw him coming down the hall towards her.

"Hey, Addie, before we go," he started & waited until she was facing him. "You sure about this?"

Addison nodded. "Yeah, remember, I'm moving on."

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**A/N: Okay, so what did you think. Did anyone realise where I got the idea of the Addek tutoring thing from? If you did tell me in the review that you're going to leave. (I don't hint or anything do I? LOL). Anyway, the next chapter will be up soon, just have to write it, & I can't really write most of it until I get reviews about whether I should do 3 or 5 chapters, it's all up to you guys! Just a few things, I couldn't remember (were we ever told?) whether Derek was oldest or youngest or somewhere in the middle of his family so I said he was oldest. Also, can I just say that Maddison are not together in this fic, they're just friends. And he's not secretly in love with her either, they're JUST FRIENDS!! SRSLY it's hard to write cuz I have a Maddison obsession right now, but I'll manage. And also, sorry there's loads, may I just add that the Derek proposing flashback was so much fun to write & I think it's cute personally! Anyway, for the few of you still reading please review!!**

**Click the little button, you know you want to really, I'll love you forever:)**


	3. A Way Back To Love

**A/N: Okay so this took longer to write than I expected which I'm sorry about, but I've been busy with studying and Christmas. Anyways, a few things you should bear in mind when reading this: Naomi and Sam are still married, and Pete isn't still hung up over his wife's death. You'll understand why they're Private Practice people when you read. Hope you enjoy.**

**Thanks to Zoe (QueenSatan) for beta reading. You rock:)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. **

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

Two Years Later

"Damn alarm," Mark moaned as he rolled over, silencing the annoying ringing noise. Every morning he told himself he'd buy a new, less irritating, alarm clock, but he never did and probably never would. He closed his eyes for a few seconds before forcing himself up.

It took him a few minutes to realize that today was the two year anniversary of his best friend's death. He walked over to the window, staring out lost in his own thoughts. He'd stayed with Addison for seven months, until he knew she was going to be okay on her own. He'd returned to work after a couple of weeks, but only part time so he could be home with her if she needed him. She'd started working again a couple of months after, saying it was what she needed to move on fully. They were still good friends and saw each other most days. Mark knew she'd never totally gotten over Derek, he was the love of her life, and it pained him to see she still got upset.

He jumped slightly as the phone began to ring, and he walked quickly over to answer it.

"Hello?" He said, trying not to sound like he'd just woken up.

"Hey Mark!" Addison said cheerily.

"Ads," Mark replied, wondering why she was so happy. "How are you?"

"Great!" He heard her sigh. "Well, okay, I'm not that great. I mean, two years ago the love of my life was killed and I never got a chance to tell him I loved him and therefore I'm not actually too happy. But I'm looking past that. Are you working this week?"

"No, why?"

"Holiday!" Mark could hear the excitement in her voice. "I was thinking of taking a trip to L.A to see Naomi and Sam. You remember them, right?"

Mark nodded and then realized she couldn't actually see him. "Yeah, I do."

"Well she called me a few weeks back and we talked for a while, and she said we should go visit her some time. She has a practice out there, sounds really great. And seeing as we have the week off I thought we may as well have some fun rather than sit around moping all day."

"Okay. Well, when are we leaving?" Mark replied.

"So you're coming?" Addison grinned. "Great, well I'm packed already. I'd have gone alone if you didn't want to come. I booked a flight for this afternoon, is that too soon?"

"Cool, and no it's not too soon. What time shall I pick you up?" He asked, some of her excitement rubbing off on him.

"About midday?"

"Sounds great. See you then."

"See ya!" He laughed and hung up the phone.

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

Three hours later Mark was walking up the front steps to Addison's house. He knocked on the door and waited a few seconds before it opened.

"Hi Mark, I'm ready!" She grinned, pulling two suitcases out from behind the front door. Both of them looked fit to burst, which Mark wasn't that surprised by.

"Hey Addie, let me take one of those," he offered out his hand and she let him take one of her suitcases. "How do you manage to pack so much stuff for just a week?"

She shrugged. "Well I had three cases to start with, so count yourself lucky."

Mark laughed. "Come on let's go," he said, putting the case he was carrying in the car. He then turned and took the other case, put that in and shut the door. Addison had already gotten in the car and was ready to go, so he walked round to the driver's door and joined her.

The drive to the airport didn't take long and they entertained themselves by talking about memories of Naomi and Sam in Med School. Before they knew it they were at the airport, and walking towards the plane. The time passed quickly as they boarded the plane, flew over the country and landed in L.A. They walked in silence to collect their bags and then walked out into the warm air.

The heat hit them straight away. Addison stopped and stripped down to a strappy top, and Mark took off his sweater. They stuffed their extra clothes into a spare bag and carried on walking to find a cab. It didn't take long seeing as they were at an airport, and many cabs lined the streets nearby ready to take passengers to their destinations and make money. Addison pulled open a door to one and jumped in, leaving Mark to put their cases into the trunk.

"Oceanside Wellness Center, please," Addison told the driver as they waited for Mark to get in.

"Of course," the driver turned and smiled at her as Mark sat down in the car.

They drove in silence, taking in the sights of L.A. Soon they pulled up outside a large building, and Addison read aloud the sign; "_Oceanside Wellness Center." _She paid the driver and got out of the car, taking one case whilst Mark took the other two. They walked up the path and through the front doors into the practice.

"This place is amazing," Mark said, looking around in awe.

"I know," Addison agreed. "Let's go find Naomi."

They walked to the desk where they were given directions to Naomi's office, and were told they could leave their cases behind the desk. They walked towards the elevator quickly now as they weren't weighed down by cases.

"I wonder how she'll react," Addison thought aloud. "I mean, I know she said we could come but I don't think she expected it to be this soon."

Mark nodded. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see us," he reassured her.

"Yeah, me too."

Mark knocked on Naomi's door and waited until he heard her voice telling them to go in. He gave Addison a smile before pushing open the door and walking in. Naomi didn't look up for a few seconds until the door closed behind her two visitors.

"Oh my god! Hi!" She jumped up and hugged them. "It's so good to see you."

"I hope it's okay that we didn't call, Nae, we wanted to surprise you," Addison said as Naomi pulled back from her.

"Don't be silly, it's fine. Anything to see two of my favourite people!"

"See, Ads, I told you she'd be thrilled," Mark nudged her.

"Yeah," Addison mumbled. "So are you busy or do you have time to show us around?"

"I definitely have time," Naomi smiled. "Let's go."

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

Naomi showed Addison and Mark around the hospital, before taking them down to the kitchen to meet the rest of the staff. Mark grinned when he saw Sam, and the two men hugged.

"Wow it's been a long time," Sam said, pulling Addison into a hug.

"It sure has," Mark nodded.

"Too long," Addison laughed.

Naomi turned around to face the others as a brown haired woman cleared her throat. "Oh, yeah. Guys, this is Violet. And that's Cooper," she said and Addison walked over.

"Hey," Violet smiled and Cooper held out his hand which Addison shook. Mark was still distracted by his conversation with Sam.

Naomi rolled her eyes and pointed at the two men. "You'll never stop them now," she paused. "Where's Pete?"

"Just finishing with a patient," Violet replied.

Naomi nodded. "Okay."

About ten minutes later the door opened and another man walked in. Naomi smiled and said, "Hi, Pete."

"Hey guys," Pete replied, looking questioningly and Addison and Mark.

"This is Addison," Naomi introduced the two. "And that's Mark."

Pete nodded. "Ahh okay, your friends from New York, right?"

"Yeah. Glad someone's been listening to me," Naomi laughed at Violet's sarcastic face.

"So, Addison, how long are you in L.A?" Pete asked, changing the subject.

"Well Mark and I have a week off work, so we'll be here for about a week," Addison replied.

"Okay great. Well let me know one afternoon when you're free and I'll show you around," Pete said.

Addison smiled. "How about tomorrow afternoon?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Then it's set."

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

Later that day Mark and Addison arrived at their hotel room. Naomi and Sam had offered a room at their house but the hotel was already booked and it was easier to stay there than invade on their friends even more. As they walked in Addison dropped her bag, ran and jumped onto the bed nearest the window. Mark just stood and laughed at how excited she was.

"Can I have this one?" Addison said, more telling him than asking.

"I don't think I have a choice," Mark laughed.

She rolled her eyes and walked back to him, grabbing her two cases and dragging them over to her bed. She opened up one of them and started putting her clothes into the drawers and closet in the corner. "So have you made any plans for the week yet?" She asked.

"Hanging out with Sam and Cooper tomorrow. Think we're going down and meeting up with some of their friends to play soccer," Mark replied, opening up his case.

"Okay. Well Pete offered to show me around town tomorrow afternoon. So I guess we'll just meet up here afterwards."

"Sure," Mark agreed, and the two of them spent the rest of the evening unpacking and settling in. At about eleven they switched off the TV, seeing as they were both almost falling asleep.

"Night Mark," Addison yawned, turning off her light.

"Night Adds," Mark replied, switching off his own light and laying his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and thought about how different Addison seemed here. He smiled to himself as he realized she was really moving on now, before falling asleep.

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N2: Now you understand!! Please review. I may have the next chapter up soon but if it's not up by the end of December you'll have to wait till February I'm afraid. I have exams which I need to study for, but I'll try my best in the next week even though I'll be all Christmassed up!!! **

**Anyways, please review. It's Christmas, after all:) Happy Holidays everyone. xx**


	4. Clean Breaks

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews for chapter three. This is the last chapter of this fic, hope you enjoy it. Just one thing I don't know L.A. at all and I don't have time to look it up, so just go along with me. Thanks to everyone who's read this, especially those who've reviewed but also everyone who's added it to their favourites or alerts list. This is one of the only fics I've really enjoyed writing. Thanks to Zoe for beta reading. _

_Disclaimer: A few of us are planning on taking over Shondaland but, until that actually happens, I own nothing. But anyone who wants to join us is welcome. :)_

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Addison spent the next morning at the practice catching up with Naomi. She explained how the practice was set up and how it worked, and Addison couldn't help but find the change here refreshing. Just after one, she left her old friend and met Pete outside, ready for her afternoon.

"So, where are we going first?" She asked as they started walking.

Pete shrugged. "You'll find out soon enough."

"So I don't even get a clue?"

He laughed. "Nope. Just be patient." He led her down a side road and they walked next to each other. He filled her in about how his line of medicine worked, and how he believed it was a lot better than the mainstream. She'd always found it hard to understand alternative medicine and why anyone would prefer it to what she did, but he made her look at it in a different light. After they'd been walking for about ten minutes they rounded a corner and looked out over the sea.

"Wow," she said, amazed. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "I get to look at that every day."

She glared at him. "Well I get New York City, that's pretty amazing too, you know."

"I'm sure it is," he replied unconvinced.

"Have you ever been to New York?"

He shook his head. "Not for a long time."

Addison nodded. "You should come over some time, I'll show you around. Trust me, you'll love it."

"I may have to take you up on that offer." He smiled.

They watched the water for a while, before walking down to a small cafe by the beach. They ordered and sat down at the window table looking over the beach, waiting for their lunch to arrive. Pete watched her eyes staring out at the ocean, and tried to decide whether or not to ask her about her life back in New York. Naomi had told him, and the others at Oceanside, about her husband's death two years ago, and he wasn't sure how sore the subject would be if he asked her. She looked round at him and smiled, and he decided it was worth the risk.

"Naomi told me about what happened with Derek," he said and her eyes dropped to the table. He immediately regretted what he'd said. "Addison I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. We can talk about something else."

"No." She looked back up at him. "It's fine. Everyone is scared of talking to me about what happened in case I freak out, sometimes I just wish they'd treat me like I'm not someone who lost their husband."

Pete nodded. "I know how you feel."

"You do?" He nodded. "What happened?"

"Nine years ago, my wife." He paused. "She died. At the time everyone kept asking how I was, but then they just stopped. Nobody ever mentions it anymore, I think they think I can't take it."

"I'm sorry Pete, I didn't know," she squeezed his hand.

"It's fine," He took a deep breath. "Well we certainly know how to have a good time!" He joked and smiled.

Addison rolled her eyes. "We certainly do."

A few seconds later their food arrived, and they sat in silence whilst eating. After they'd both finished he led her out and onto the beach. "Just let me know when you feel like going back," Pete said as they walked along the beach.

"Not just yet," she replied. She leant down and took off her shoes, then grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's go." She grinned and started running towards the sea.

"Addison, no!" He yelled but she wouldn't stop and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop himself laughing. Maybe she was the person who would finally get him back on track.

**IFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALL**

"Oh my god," Mark rolled his eyes as Pete and Addison walked back into the practice building. They were both soaking wet from being in the sea, but both had huge smiles plastered on their faces.

"What?" Addison asked innocently.

Mark shook his head and laughed. "You should see what you two look like."

Pete and Addison looked at each other and shrugged. "You're no fun, Mark." She smiled. Mark rolled his eyes again and walked back into the kitchen to see Sam and Cooper. Pete led Addison along to his office and they both collapsed on the couch.

"Well this was fun," he sighed.

"Yeah, it was," she turned to face him. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

"So, umm," she hesitated. "We've done lunch, I think next is dinner."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you asking me out?"

Addison shrugged. "Maybe I am."

"Well I say yes," he smiled and hugged her. "I'll pick you up at seven, okay?"

"Okay." She stood up. "I should go get ready then."

"Adds, you have like three hours," he stood up next to her.

"I know. But I need to look nice!"

**IFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALL**

Just before seven that evening, Addison heard a knock at her door. She was ready (only just, but she was still ready) and she ran to open the door. She smiled when she saw Pete, and she grabbed his hand pulling him inside.

"Just let me get my bag and we can go," she smiled and he nodded.

He took her to a small restaurant on one of the side streets leading from the beach. They were shown to their table, which was set under a large canopy outside, looking straight out over the beach and ocean. After they'd eaten their meal Pete took her hand and led her down onto the beach. They were a little further down from where they'd been that morning, and the area was quiet; they were the only ones there. They walked down a bit and then he stopped, pulling her into him.

"Thank you for dinner," she whispered against his chest.

"You're welcome," he replied, wrapping his arms around her. They stood there for a while before she pulled back and looked up into his eyes. She linked her arms around his neck and her gaze dropped to his lips. That was all the encouragement he needed and before she knew it he was kissing her. She hesitated at first, she hadn't been with anyone since Derek, but gave in after a couple of seconds and kissed him back. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip, begging for entrance, and she opened her mouth deepening the kiss. After a while she pulled back, the need for air had become too much and she silently cursed whoever had made breathing so important, and looked up into his eyes.

They stood in silence for a while, just watching each other closely. Addison wasn't sure how this would work out, after all she was leaving in a few days and she was wary of being with anyone else after what had happened with Derek, but she was curious of the feeling she was getting so near to Pete. She felt safe and content, like finally she was allowed to move on.

Pete leant down and kissed her cheek gently, before whispering in her ear. "You want to come back to mine?"

She nodded, finding it suddenly hard to speak. He ran his hand down her arm and linked his fingers through hers, leading her back up the beach.

**IFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALLIFIFALL**

"Mark do we _really _have to go back?" Addison asked for what felt to Mark to be the millionth time that day.

"Yes, Addison, we really have to go back," he replied, not looking up.

Their bags were packed and stood next to the door. The cab was supposed to be picking them up in half an hour, and Pete still hadn't arrived to say goodbye. The last few days had been amazing, she'd spent most of the time with Pete, sometimes alone but often with the other people from Oceanside and Mark. Just as she felt she could live like that forever, the day had come for her and Mark to return to New York.

She jumped up as she heard a knock at the door. She ran to it and opened it, throwing her arms around Pete and grinning. "What took you so long?" She asked, pulling him back into the apartment.

"I was sorting something out with Nae," he replied as if it were nothing important.

"But I'm leaving in," she looked at her watch. "Half an hour. I wanted a proper goodbye."

"You don't need it," he started to smile.

"Oh, well fine, if you're going to be like that just go." Just then she noticed his smile. "What are you smiling at?" She asked suspiciously.

"Well I was thinking, instead of you going back, you could work here. At Oceanside. With us," his smiled widened.

"Seriously?" She raised her eyebrows and he nodded. "Oh my god! Yes! I'd love to!" She grinned and hugged him again. He lifted her up and spun her round, laughing at how excited she was.

"By the way, Naomi said it's fine," he kissed her nose.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Of course she did. You wouldn't have told me otherwise." Suddenly her face dropped.

"What's wrong?" Pete asked, worried.

"What about Mark?" She asked. As much as wanted to stay she couldn't lose Mark. He'd been there for her through everything over the last two years since Derek had died, and long before that when he'd been distant. He was her best friend and she didn't want him to go back to New York alone.

"Well, Nae said he could stay too," Pete smiled.

Mark stood up and Addison turned to face him. "Did you know about this?"

He shrugged. "Maybe."

Addison laughed and hit him. "Sneaky."

Mark nodded. "Yup." He put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. "But it was a nice surprise, right?"

She nodded immediately. "It was an amazing surprise."

Pete took her hand and pulled her close to him. "Now I'll never get to show you around New York," she said, her voice muffled by his chest.

He laughed. "I'm sure someday you can take me there."

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_A/N: Aaaaannnndddd done. Wow. I love the feeling I get when I finish a story, lol. I'm slightly strange you should know. Anyways...I know that was a slightly weird way to end it, but I kind of liked it. No clich__é line about how everything'll be fine now, like I usually write. I hope you enjoyed that, I'd love if you reviewed and let me know what you thought of this chapter._

_Also if anyone has ideas for some Grey's fics I could write, I'd love to hear them seeing as now this is done all I have is NCIS fics. Well except for _Love Changes Everything _which'll just go on until I'm bored, and _Intuition _which I've come to a stand-still on anyways. I'd like an idea for a new Addex fic, actually, so if anyone has ideas...shoot. :)_

_Thanks again, and until next time, _

_-Beth_


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